Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Advice for Building Healthy and Exciting Relationships

Relationship Help

Advice for Building Healthy and Exciting Love Relationships

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve your life in all aspects, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others as well. However, it can also be one of the greatest drains if the relationship is not working. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you get back. Love and relationships take work, commitment, and a willingness to adapt and change through life as a team. Learn about ways to keep a healthy relationship strong, or work on repairing trust and love for a relationship on the rocks.

How to strengthen your relationship and make love last

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:
What makes a healthy love relationship?
  • Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
  • Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, through, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right. 
  • Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
  • Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm.

Love relationship help tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed.
Keep physical intimacy aliveStudies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch­—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.
Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.

Love relationship help tip 2: Spend quality time together

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with a new, exciting thing to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love

  • Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong.
  • Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
  • Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you’ve never been before.
Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.

Focus on having fun together

  • Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly.
  • Learn from the “play experts” together. Playing with a pet or small children can really help you reconnect with your playful side. If it’s something you do together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun.
  • Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humor.

Learning how to play again

A little humor and playful interaction can go a long way in diffusing tense situations and helping you see the brighter side. If you’re feeling a little rusty, learn more about how playful communication can improve your relationship, and fun ways to practice this skill.

Love relationship help tip 3: Never stop communicating

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.

Learn your partner’s emotional cues

Never stop communicating
Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound or touch. Your partner’s responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.
So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this “body language” can help you understand better what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you insist “I’m fine”, while clenching your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly signaling you are not.

Question your assumptions

If you’ve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind-reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding and anger.

Playful Communication in Relationships

Laughter has a powerful effect on your health and well-being. A good laugh relieves tension and stress, elevates mood, enhances creativity and problem-solving ability, and provides a quick energy boost. But even more importantly, laughter brings people together. Mutual laughter and play are an essential component of strong, healthy relationships. By making a conscious effort to incorporate more humor and play into your daily interactions, you can improve the quality of your love relationships—as well as your connections with co-workers, family members, and friends.

The power of laughter and play

Playful communication is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships exciting, fresh, and vital. Laughter and play enrich your interactions and give your relationships that extra zing that keeps them interesting, light, and enjoyable. This shared pleasure creates a sense of intimacy and connection—qualities that define solid, lasting relationships.
People are attracted to happy, funny individuals. Laughter draws others to you and keeps them by your side. When you laugh with one another, a positive bond is created. This bond acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, and disappointment. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain to smile and join in on the fun.

Playful communication helps you:

  • Connect to others. Your health and happiness depend, to a large degree, on the quality of your relationships—and laughter binds people together.
  • Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps you broach sensitive subjects, resolve disagreements, and reframe problems.
  • Feel relaxed and energized at the same time. Laughter relieves fatigue and relaxes your body, while also recharging your batteries and helping you accomplish more.
  • Overcome problems and setbacks. A sense of humor is the key to resilience. It helps you take hardships in stride, weather disappointment, and bounce back from adversity and loss.
  • Put things into perspective. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when looked at from a playful and humorous point of view.
  • Be more creative. Humor and playfulness loosen you up, energizing thinking and inspiring creative problem solving.

The health benefits of laughter

Laughter and playfulness also come with numerous physical and mental health benefits. Laughter triggers a host of healthy changes in your brain and body.

Laughter helps you stay healthy by:

  • Boosting your mood
  • Decreasing stress hormones
  • Improving oxygen flow to the brain
  • Reducing physical pain
  • Lowering blood pressure
  • Strengthening the immune system
  • Protecting the heart
  • Relaxing your body

Mental health benefits of laughter and humor

The mental health benefits of laughter are tied to the physical benefits. When your body is relaxed and energized, you are better able to think and communicate clearly. This helps you keep your own emotions in check, relate in a positive way to others, and resolve conflict.
Laughter is a particularly powerful antidote to depression and anxiety. Having a sense of humor offsets depression and anxiety by:
  • Releasing endorphins. When you laugh, your brain releases endorphins, powerful chemicals that boost mood and override sadness and negative thoughts.
  • Putting things into perspective. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when looked at from a playful and humorous point of view.
  • Connecting us to others. Our mental health depends, to a large degree, on the quality of our relationships—and laughter binds people together. 
  • Playful communication in relationships tip #1: Make sure both partners are in on the joke

    Humor and playfulness strengthen relationships—but only when both people are in on the joke. It’s important to be sensitive to the other person. If your partner, friend, or colleague isn’t likely to appreciate the joke, don’t say or do it, even if it’s “all in good fun.” When playfulness is one-sided rather than mutual, it undermines trust and goodwill and damages the relationship. Consider the following example:
    Michelle’s feet are always cold when she gets into bed, but she has what she thinks is a playful solution. She heats up her icy feet by placing them on her husband Kevin’s warm body. However, this isn’t a game he enjoys. Kevin has repeatedly told Michelle that he doesn’t appreciate being used as a foot warmer, but she just laughs at his complaints. Lately, Kevin has taken to sleeping at the far edge of the bed, a solution that distances them as a couple.
    Playful communication in relationships should be equally fun and enjoyable for both people. If your friend or partner doesn’t think your joking or teasing is funny—it’s not. So before you start playing around, take a moment to consider your motives, as well as your partner or friend’s state of mind and sense of humor.

    Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you feel calm, clear-headed, and connected to the other person?
  • Is your true intent to communicate positive feelings—or are you taking a dig, expressing anger, or laughing at the other person’s expense?
  • Are you sure that the joke will be understood and appreciated?
  • Are you aware of the emotional tone of the nonverbal messages you are sending? Are you giving off positive, warm signals or a negative, aggressive, or hostile tone?
  • Are you sensitive to the nonverbal signals the other person is sending? Do they seem open and receptive to your humor, or closed-off and offended?
  • Are you willing and able to back off if the other person responds negatively to the joke?
  • If you say or do something that offends, is it easy for you to immediately apologize?

Playful communication in relationships tip #2: Use humor to defuse conflict

When conflict and disagreement throw a wrench in your relationships, humor and playfulness can help lighten things up and restore a sense of connection. Used skillfully and respectfully, playful humor can turn conflict into an opportunity for shared fun and intimacy. It allows you to get your point across without getting the other person’s defenses up or hurting their feelings. For example:
Lori’s husband comes home sweaty and dirty from his job. This turns her off, and she can’t imagine being intimate with him under these circumstances. But when she says he should take a bath, he gets angry and accuses her of not appreciating what he does for a living. So instead, Lori turns on the water, begins playfully peeling off his clothes, and joins him in the tub.
Alex is retired, but he still goes up on the roof to clean the gutters. His wife, Angie, has told him numerous times that it scares her when he gets up there on the ladder. Today, instead of her usual complaints, she yells up to him, “You know, it’s husbands like you who turn wives into nags.” Alex laughs and comes down from the roof.
Humor and playfulness—free or hurtful sarcasm or ridicule—neutralize conflict by helping you:
  • Interrupt the power struggle, instantly easing tension and allowing you to reconnect and regain perspective.
  • Be more spontaneous. Shared laughter and play helps you break free from rigid ways of thinking and behaving, allowing you to see the problem in a new way and find a creative solution.
  • Be less defensive. In playful settings, we hear things differently and can tolerate learning things about ourselves that we otherwise might find unpleasant or even painful.
  • Let go of inhibitions. Laughter opens us up, freeing us to express what we truly feel and allowing our deep, genuine emotions to rise to the surface.

Playful communication in relationships tip #3: Don’t use humor to cover up other emotions

Humor and shared playfulness help you stay resilient in the face of life’s challenges. But there are times when humor is not healthy—when it is used as a cover for avoiding, rather than coping with, painful emotions. Laughter can be a disguise for feelings of hurt, fear, anger, and disappointment that you don’t want to feel or don’t know how to express.
You can be funny about the truth—but covering up the truth isn’t funny. When you use humor and playfulness as a cover for other emotions, you create confusion and mistrust in your relationships. The following are examples of misplaced humor:
Mike is a constant jokester. Nothing ever seems to get him down and he never takes anything seriously. No matter what happens to him or to anyone else, he makes a joke out of the situation. In reality, Mike is scared to death of dark feelings, conflict, and intimacy. He uses humor to avoid uncomfortable feelings and to keep other people at arm’s length.
Sharon is often jealous and possessive with her boyfriend Kevin. But she has never learned to openly discuss her insecurities and fears. Instead, she uses what she thinks is humor to express her feelings. However, her “jokes” usually having a biting, almost hostile edge and do not seem at all funny to Kevin, who responds with coldness and withdrawal.
For cues as to whether or not humor is being used to conceal other emotions, ask yourself the following questions:
  • Do nonverbal communication signals—such as tone of voice, intensity, timing—feel genuinely humorous to you, or do you experience them as forced or “not right” somehow?
  • Is humor the only emotion you routinely express, or is there a mixture of other emotions that at least occasionally includes sadness, fear, and anger?

Improving your playful communication skills

It’s never too late to develop and embrace your playful, humorous side. Self-consciousness and concern for how you look and sound to others is probably a big factor that’s limiting your playfulness. But as a baby, you were naturally playful; you didn’t worry about the reactions of other people.
You can reclaim your inborn playfulness by setting aside regular, quality playtime. The more you joke, play, and laugh—the easier it becomes.

Cultivating your sense of humor and playfulness

The process of learning to play depends on your preferences. Begin by observing what you already do that borders on fun or playful. For example, do you like:
  • telling or listening to jokes
  • watching funny movies or TV shows
  • dancing around to cheesy music when you’re alone
  • singing in the shower
  • daydreaming
  • reading the funny pages

After you recognize things you already enjoy, you can try to incorporate more playful activities into your life. The important thing is to find enjoyable activities that loosen you up and help you embrace your playful nature with other people.


Saturday, August 7, 2010

5 Interesting Conversation Topics that Makes You Friends

Are your conversations boring with awkward silences? Conversation is more than blathering on about the mundane trivialities of life. For conversation to be fruitful and worth the time of both you and the other person, it needs to be captivating, to be interesting. There should be a "wow!" factor.

Pedestrian conversations are boring, often tedious, and leave a poor impression with your conversation partner. But fear not, here are five sure fire topics to talk about to keep things interesting.

SPORTS - Many people are sports fans, and chances are your conversation partner is as well. Even if the other person isn't a sports fan, chances are they have a strong opinion about NOT being a fan, and that can easily be an interesting conversation in its own right.

CURRENT EVENTS - Try to find something in the news, some captivating event that is talked about in all of the newspapers and has all of the talking heads chattering. Try to steer clear of politics or religion unless you know the other person well. Always try to keep these kinds of conversations rolling along not through terse statements of fact, but through asking questions. Having good conversation skills means you're curious and open.

LOCAL EVENTS - One of the easiest things to discuss with other people is events and happenings occurring in your mutual back yard. This may require a little preparation, but try to acquaint yourself any swap meets, farmers' markets, fairs or festivals happening in your city and use this in conversation. Your conversation partner will likely have heard of other, similar events of interest to you as well.

FRIENDS, FAMILY, COLLEAGUES AND ACQUAINTANCES - If you know the other person through business or social networks it is always a great conversation topic to discuss people and events that you both know, and this is an excellent way to catch up with things you might not have yet heard.

MUSIC - Everyone loves music of some type. Everyone. While some may be more into it than others, remember the human brain is hardwired to enjoy music making it an interesting topic to talk about. The only difference between two people's musical tastes is simply a matter of preference.

A great conversation can easily be two people sharing what the types of music they do and do not enjoy. Such discussions not only help forge connections between you and your conversation partner, they may lead to you new and as-yet-undiscovered genres and artists you might like.
Are your conversations boring with awkward silences? Pedestrian conversations are often mind-numbing, tedious, and leave a poor impression with your conversation partner. But fear not, here are five sure fire topics to talk about to keep things interesting.
Make more friends and gain respect by developing your conversation skills

How to Be Charming to Men and Women

Charm is the attractiveness of an object or person that interests, pleases, and satisfies. When you’re charming to men and women, you can be charismatic and attractive, but also attentive and empathetic. Charm is good people skills.
Some of us possess more charm than others, while an unfortunate few remain in the proverbial dust cloud of those who courted their way ahead. In medieval times (and still to this day) magic had charm because of its mysteries and unknown that left outsiders dumbfounded. If you charm men and women, they’ll wonder what magic you wield to make people respect and like you.
It’s obvious that charming people get more affection from the opposite sex, get respected by strangers, and get the raise they want at work. Charming people have an easier, more enjoyable life.
The good news is if you have as much charm as a backyard rock, you too can transform into a captivating diamond. If you feel you’ll never outshine the one always topping you with a cooler line, relax then follow some of the best tips below to help you charm any man or woman

Be Sociable

I was going to put “be nice”, but that can be interpreted as some of the worst advice ever. If you’re on a date, be nice to the valet people, waiters, waitresses, bartenders, and other service workers by smiling and saying, “G’day”. Ask them with genuine interest how their day is going. It’s charming to show friendliness to these people. If you’re a snotty snob, you’re looking worse by the second and the people around you will wonder how you do your hair so strategically to hide your horns.
Being sociable in everyday “micro-interactions” makes you charismatic. For a complete system to go from shy and lonely to sociable and talkative, get my Big Talk Training Course.

Show Confidence

This is undeniable. If you enter a social situation feeling good about yourself and looking your best, you’ll be fine. If you enter any situation with your tail between your legs worrying about doing something wrong, you probably will stuff up. That’s all I’m going to say about confidence as nobody can quickly tell you how to be confident.

Remember Arrogance is not Charm

Charm doesn’t mean you become Ron Burgundy, walk up to someone, then talk about how awesome you are. If two minutes into the conversation you’re bragging about your recent humanitarian efforts in Haiti and rattling off the titles of all the leather bound books in your office, you’re not a charmer; you’re an arrogant a-hole. Please stop talking. As you’re about to discover, real charm comes from receiving by doing things like being genuinely interested, not pushing your awesomeness onto others.

Be Lively, Not Obnoxious

Real charm comes from receiving… not pushing your awesomeness onto others.
Whether you’re in a bar, at a restaurant, or attending an event in the park, if you’re the loudmouth that everyone can hear across the bar, they’ll want to punch you in the face. It’s not cute and it’s not charming to be the loud and obnoxious person.

Be Positive

I know I’m drowning you in cliches, but too many people I’ve talked to don’t understand how to charm men and women because of simple mistakes. Nobody wants to hang around Negative Nancy.
Being sarcastic and cynical is one thing, though it’s difficult to show that part of you in a non-negative way. I like to think of being positively sarcastic as a type of art form. It’s difficult to achieve, but you’re golden if you can properly execute it in a sparing manner.
Avoid discussing how much you hate your job, how bad your health is, how tasteless the music being played is, and how you’re having the worst hair day ever (even though you were just complimented on it). Steer clear of topics like death and suffering, but when they are brought up and others want to discuss them, you can talk about tough topics with a soothing calmness.
Complimenting people is one great way to be positive. I’ll briefly teach you how to compliment soon. When someone compliments you, avoid responding with, “Ugh, you think so? I don’t like it.” Graciously say thank you and leave it at that.

Show Interest

Many of us are inclined to start talking about ourselves once someone mentions their hobby, as in, “Oh you like traveling? I just got back from Guatemala. I was helping to pave that giant hole in the earth. Did you hear about that?”
Instead, ask about their travels first, otherwise you’ll look desperate to woo them with your God-like Earth-paving abilities and you’ll be made fun of as soon as you leave. Always ask at least one question when someone mentions their career or a hobby.
Pure presence is intimately mind-warping.
However, questioning itself doesn’t charm people. It’s how you lean forward, widen your eyes, and focus on the person’s every word that charms men and women. Pure presence is intimately mind-warping. You’ve got to experience it to know what I’m talking about. There’s a whole chapter on this in Big Talk that makes it easy to charm anyone.
As a rule of thumb, whenever someone shows interest in a topic, respond with equal interest or positive curiosity. Listen to what they say with genuine interest. Minutes will fly-by as they think you’re a great conversationalist. After being heard, they will be keen to hear the stories of your travels. Only then is it okay to brag about your Earth-healing adventure.

Keep in Mind Silence is Golden

Silence at the right time is charming. A silent look into someone’s eyes with a warming smile can say much more than hours of speech.
If you’re awful at moments of silence, practice showing interest in people and work on your listening skills. People have untapped knowledge deep listening digs up. If a guy is talking about a problem, listening intently helps him solve his own problems and it makes you look good! By actively listening you honor the talker’s thoughts and feelings and accept the person for who they are, which they’ll love you for.
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. Don’t make them wish they had a roll.

Withhold Advice

Active listening means you withhold advice until the person is done talking. Keep your unwelcome or unnecessary opinions to yourself. If a woman goes on about how her family never listens to her, don’t respond with “It’s no wonder” nor should you give her your elite suggestions to solve the situation. (Feel free, though, to talk about me and refer her to!)
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. Don’t make them wish they had a roll.
Advice is 1 of 12 communication killers I give in my Communication Secrets of Powerful People program. You probably think you’re helping people with advice, but there’s four reasons solutions hurt relationships.

Show Your Sense of Humor

Men and women love a sense of humor. Whether you’re the equivalent of a stand-up comedian, sarcastic, sharp with your wit, dry or dark, don’t be afraid to let it show. Inhibition is the greatest barrier to being funny.
You likely abstain from humor in fear that it’ll make people laugh at you. Bad humor repels people more than not being funny so let your humor-radar carefully guide you through the social waters. If your sense of humor has you walk up to a woman to say, “I like my women like the preparation of a good coffee: ground up and in the freezer,” don’t count on getting far.
There’s hope for you to become funnier because humor is learned. Get Comedy Writing Secrets to learn how humor is structured.
Also, an unusual way to improve your sense of humor is to laugh. Laughter is after all, the other side of a sense of humor. Laughing gets you in a good mood and trains you to take yourself lightly. Also, we like people who laugh at our conversational humor. If you’re talking to someone of the opposite sex and spill your drink or twist up your words, laugh at yourself and relax about it. You can even playfully accuse the person for your accident: “Look what you did!”
Ease your way into humor by learning what works and what’s socially acceptable. Eventually, you’ll charm people with laughter.

Give Authentic, True, and Genuine Compliments

Everyone loves a compliment because it feels good to be admired, attractive, and appreciated. Men particularly love them because we naturally crave respect and honor. Love to a woman is like respect to a man. An effective compliment, nonetheless, charms any person.
Sincerity isn’t enough, however, for a compliment to make someone feel the triple As. Timing is also important. Showering someone with sweet words every hour is not attractive and takes away from the authenticity of everything else you say. A simple “you look great in that dress” or “you have beautiful eyes” is perfectly acceptable in small doses.
The last and most important factor to consider to give a killer compliment is figuring out what the person wants to be admired for. There’s no point praising a person on his shirt if he chose it with no care. However, if the person chose a shirt with the slogan “help save African children from Aids” because he worked in Africa for a few months fighting the disease, then the emotional connection he has with his shirt will make your compliment powerful.

Talk About Your Interests with Passion

Passion is infectious. If the person you’re talking to or interested in hears you speak with passion and enthusiasm about what you do, they will become more intrigued and inclined to notice those things as well. If you drone on about your job or how the last few vacations you took were a drag, you’ll come across as Debbie Downer or Derek Depressor that no one wants to travel with (or talk to). Unless, of course, they’re into taking a Jamaican cruise while listening to you rave on how the entire country is in shambles.

Balance Your Work and Social Life

Charming people have the time to charm people! You’re not going to win men and women over by sitting in your office cubicle or playing World of Warcraft to six in the morning. You can get out and better socialize with these 14 amazing social skills resources.
We’ve all used the “I can’t, I have to…” excuse on someone we’re not interested in, and have probably had it used on us. After awhile people are conditioned to think that anyone who says no or says they have another commitment is blowing them off because they’re disinterested. I’m not saying you have to cancel plans every time someone you’re interested in wants to spend time with you, but have a flexible schedule.
Few persons want to date or be friends with someone who always runs off to work. What’s more important if you frequently work instead of socialize? Do you think a charming person values work over his or her friends?

Be Ambitious

If you have some direction in your life and goals regarding where you see yourself in 10 years – even if your goal is purchasing a home, helping the homeless in your city get off the street, or getting a raise at your job – show something. Coming across as completely clueless with no goals or desires for your future means you’re not looking good.
For more tips with what you can do physically to improve your charm, a few key body language ideas follow.

Stand with Good Posture

An upright posture with your spine straight, your shoulders back and your chin up (not up the behind of the person you’re impressing, but not down at your chest, either) gived the added impression of self-confidence. Many people avoid standing this way because they feel uncomfortable or over powered, but over time standing with good posture will feel more natural and you will look better.

Relax Your Facial Muscles

As you’re reading this, your brow is likely to be a little furrowed, eyes squinted, and lips pursed. Maybe not all of these points, but some, right? Why are you doing this? Can you see the monitor just fine? Probably. Chances are you do some of these things when you’re out in public as well.
Tension is unconscious, but relaxation is conscious. A relaxed look helps you come across as pleasant and calm. Relax the muscles on your face to the point where you cannot detect tension. You may even want to make this a routine just before you enter a room to socialize.
Look your best and you’ll act your best. Your best is most charming.

Smile with Your Teeth

A smile that shows teeth is more appealing and more attractive than a smile with lips together. The later isn’t as natural and charming. Even if you don’t like your teeth, research proves showing them when you smile gives off more authenticity. It also helps show you’re enjoying yourself, which is a charming trait. Look your best and you’ll act your best. Your best is most charming.

Dress Comfortably

You may have worn an outfit that was “hot” or “appealing” or “fashionable,” but didn’t feel completely “yourself” in it. You feel wrong wearing something that isn’t you. You spend time adjusting, looking in the mirror and worrying you look ridiculous. It distracts too much of your brain.
The principle is this: get comfortable in what you wear or don’t wear it. Don’t go out of your way to wear something just because you heard it appeals to someone of the opposite sex. You’ll look more like a weirdo tugging at your outfit the whole night than if you wore your trustworthy outfit that hasn’t failed for years.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

8 Helpful Tips on How to Get a Guy to Marry You

Are you looking forward to a wedding day, honeymoon, great house and kids? All that's left is how to get a guy to marry you, which is the tricky part. With your charms and wits, making him love you is easy. Making him say "I do", well, that's another story.
Or maybe not, because if he's loved you all this time then maybe he's ready to move forward too. It could be he's waiting for the right moment, or not sure when the right moment is. If you want to know how to get a guy to marry you, read the following tips.
1. Never drop him hints of wanting to get married by dragging him to weddings or shopping for engagement rings. If the pressure is on him, then he'll become even more uneasy about the idea.
2. If you are going to drop hints, try telling him that you're most likely to move away from a relationship that's not going anywhere. You don't want to be with a man who's only "stringing" you along. That's going to be a wakeup call for him, and if he does care he'll start to take action.
3. Try to avoid being a predictable couple so you wouldn't get bored in the relationship. Whether it's new hobby, food, or travel, try new things. You don't have to do everything together and it's always to have your own thing. That way, there will still be a little mystery between you two.
4. Be independent and wise when it comes to money matters. No man would want to be with a woman who's financially incapable and always has debt to pay. You need to show him that you can be responsible so he wouldn't see you as added expense.
5. You can mention wanting to get married someday, but don't make it a regular topic. No matter how much you want to get married, this conversation shouldn't happen once a week.
6. Always remember that communication is important in any relationship, especially now when you're thinking about getting married. If you can't be open with each other, then he might feel uncomfortable being with you.
7. Don't expect a ring if you're going to disrespect him or be too judgmental. Make him feel like he's the only one for you, so don't flirt or show interest in other men. Don't hurt his feelings by putting him or criticizing too much.
8. A great advice on how to get a guy to marry you is always be natural and confident. Show him you're happy with yourself and being in a relationship with him. He'll find you even more irresistible knowing you love being with him.

How to Get a Girlfriend - Keep These Crucial Points in Mind on Your First Date

When looking to attract women to you, there are a number of things you should do in order for her to notice and feel attracted to you. The first impression is very important when you are looking to get attraction. You need to make yourself look attractive by wearing clothes that suit you best. Make sure your clothes are clean and pressed. If you go on your first date with a dirty pair of jeans and creased t-shirt, you will obviously show yourself in a negative way to her. Dressing smartly gives the image of confidence, and women feel safe around confident men.
Personal hygiene is extremely important, so make sure that you have showered and use deodorant. If you turn up smelling of sweat, it can be a big turn off and will make your date feel very uneasy. It is also important to be clean shaven and your hair kept neat and tidy. Clean and nicely trimmed fingernails are also very important. So take care of yourself by being clean and hygienic. This shows that you respect yourself. This will make her respect you too and make her feel comfortable around you. The last thing you want is to have your date feeling ashamed and embarrassed while going out with you.
When you are speaking to your date, do not use foul language as part of your vocabulary. Try to maintain an educated level of language. Be courteous and polite. The way you treat other people is very important. You should show that you are kind to others too. This is something many guys overlook when dating. They put so much time and effort into being polite with their date, but mistreat or are very rude to others. If a woman sees you being cruel or unsympathetic to others, be it human or animal, it will severely affect how she views you.
These are just some of the things that you can do to make you date feel attracted towards you. There is however one crucial mistake you should avoid while on a date. Whether you do it intentionally or not; do not talk or flirt with other women while with your date. This is the most disrespectful and hurtful mistake you can make. This will show that you are not a decent man and you can forget about going out with this date again. Think about it; would you like your date to try that stunt on you?

What Causes Men to Lose Interest in a Woman After a While? Know This Before He Loses Interest in You

Sometimes, it can be frustrating when a relationship reaches that stage when everything starts to become so familiar. When this happens, it is not unusual for the spark to seemingly fade. Here are some possible reasons why this scenario happens and how to avoid them:
She has become a permanent fixture
When he is so used to her presence, he will start to get so assured that she will always be there, hence, he will take her for granted -- like a clock that's perennially on the mantelpiece. But move the clock and he will notice that it's not there. A woman can take a short break away from him, just for both to have a breather, and he will realize how different life is when she's not where he expects her to be.
Her life revolves around him
If she always draws her happiness from him, he will eventually run out of happiness to share. He will begin to lose interest. A woman must always keep her identity and individuality. She must also learn to draw her happiness within herself.
She has stopped growing
When a woman's life starts to stagnate, then she becomes uninteresting. She needs to nurture herself, seek ways to elevate her mind, learn and do new things in order for her to hold her man's - any man's - attention.
She is showing signs of insecurity
When a woman starts losing her self-confidence, so will a man's interest in her wane. She needs to overcome her fears of losing him and focus on ways to keep him instead.
She focuses on the negative instead of the positive aspects
A woman given to consistent complaining and nagging will eventually wear a man's patience out. She must try to be appreciative of the good things around her, and enjoy life in general.
She is stuck with her routine
If there is no variety in a couple's relationship, if it's the same old thing every single day, a man will definitely get bored. A woman must spice up the relationship by doing fun things with her man, trying out new things, or getting into adventures. A simple change can sometimes make a big difference.
She transforms into a pleaser
If a woman is trying to do everything just to get a man's approval, then you can be assured that he won't approve. Instead of trying to win his affection by being something that she is not, she can simply try to find that special woman he had fallen in love with when they were still starting out.