Thursday, November 25, 2010

Teen Love & Sex: Why Not?

I have been reading a few articles on teen sex that I don't fully agree with, so I decided to share my own opinions on the subject. Love and sex both vary on the maturity level of the participants. There is a huge range of teens out their from the love sick little girls (LMAO), to the heart-breakers, to the helpless romantics(LWKMD), to the bad boys, to the friends with benefits (LOL), to the people just looking for eye candy-- no two loving relationships and/or sexual relationships will be the same.

Love: Love is a strong affection for another based on common interest and personality compatibility; it is a powerful emotion. At this stage of life for teenagers, what are the odds of them experiencing true love? I believe in love, but it is a journey filled with obstacles that we learn to overcome and learn to help fight battles for another and sacrifice for another person. I think that teens have the capacity to be in love, but they are growing and it is not very likely that they found "true love" yet. Young love is both simple and complicated filled with bruises and a few broken hearts, but we learn from our mistakes and adapt; It is a learning process.

Sex: Sex is just the physical contact between at least two people based on the common interest of pleasure. We all know the different types of intercourse: oral, anal, and sexual intercourse. Society today is filled with exposure of sex via the media. Has all this exposure put pressure on the American teenager? Again, it depends on the maturity level, but in some cases it has. A boy that is very close to me confessed that he "didn't think he was a man yet" because he was still a virgin. I guess it's how people interpret the exposure of sex and how much they are exposed to it. I don't like all the exposure, but I have accepted that it is out there and I can't change that.

Sex itself could be classified as a relationship, because it is a connection between two people BUT you don't have to be in a loving relationship to have sex just as much as you don't have to have sex in a loving relationship. Sex and love don't have to be related. In both, you need to accept the responsibility of your actions and accept the consequences. Both can be fun if used correctly.

So evaluate your own maturity level to see if you are ready for love, sex, or both. If you are ready, when you accept the company of a lover or a sexual partner, you are also accepting the risk of getting yourself hurt. I'm not trying to scare you, that's just how it is and you need to accept that. The only one that knows that you're ready is yourself. The decision is yours so think carefully, don't give in to peer pressure, trust your instincts, choose wisely, and enjoy the ride #oKBYe.

Please leave your comments below

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

3 Things That Only Feel Like Love

Love is a tricky emotion. There are some things that feel like love but they are much too superficial to be the real thing. Real love takes time and doesn't happen over night. Here are three things that people often confuse for love.


Lust is the feeling that is often mistaken for love at first sight. Lust is an intense and sudden attraction to somebody you hardly know. It is mistaken for love because the attraction is so strong.

Lust can feel like love because the feelings of attraction are strong and all-consuming. The emotions stirred up by lust can feel very real but they are based on a fantasy. To love somebody you must know them well but many people fall in lust while they are still strangers. What people in lust fall for is a fantasy of what might be and reality can get lost in the excitement.

Overwhelmed by physical attraction people in lust can't keep their hands off of each other. They think about each other constantly and talk about one another all the time. Lust is a happy feeling brought on by passionate attraction. If you are inexperienced in matters of the heart it is very easy to mistake all that passion for love.

Lust differs from love like night differs from day. Lust happens in the early phase of a relationship when people don’t yet know each other. Lust is based on a fantasy, and the fantasy and reality don’t always mesh up. This is where lust runs out of steam.

Although physical attraction is definitely a key ingredient in any romantic relationship, love is more than just a physical longing. If a relationship is all about physical attraction it is based on lust. Really loving another person takes time and it can't be based on physical attraction alone.

Obsessions are often mistaken for love because people rationalize the crazy feelings they are having. They assume that it must be love if the other person is always on their mind. Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around.

The more time and effort invested in an unhealthy obsession the more intense the obsession can become. People in an obsessed state have a one track mind where the other person is concerned and they often lose touch with who they are as an individual. This loss of individuality creates a vicious circle of behavior where the obsessed person grows more and more dependant on the other person to bolster their sense of self.

Even unrequited love, love that is not returned, can become an overwhelming obsession. When one person believes they are in a relationship that doesn't really exist, or when one person is more invested in an existing relationship than the other, the foundation for an obsession has been laid.

Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is debilitating. If you feel like you have lost yourself, if you are always striving to please your partner without them doing the same for you, and if you find yourself making all decisions in your life based on the feelings and needs of the other person you could be dealing with obsession.

A rebound is a relationship that starts up very quickly after another relationship has ended. Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends.

Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved want to be in love. They are used to the security of being in love and more than anything else they want to feel that security again. They convince themselves that they are in love when they are actually missing the safety and comfort of the relationship they left behind.

If an old relationship keeps interfering with the progress of a new relationship it could mean that the relationship is a rebound. When somebody is on the rebound they are not entirely over their previous relationship. They may still be trying to work out unresolved issues from that relationship. Rebound relationships may feel like love but they are still impacted by unsettled feelings from the past.

Am I in Love?

It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered. 

One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. But why? What is it about lust and love that make them so easy to mix up? If lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust? Teens struggle with this because they see lust in the Biblical sense, but lust isn't that sinister. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort if divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up. 

Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love? 

There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.
  1. You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.
  2. The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.
  3. If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
  4. Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.
  5. When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).
  6. Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.
  7. Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.
  8. You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.
  9. If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

Understanding Jealousy

Understanding Jealousy
Jealousy is a reactionary emotion so by its very nature it has a reason. Jealousy is a very natural and normal emotional response to a perceived threat. Getting jealous is not necessarily bad. Problems arise when your jealousy gets unmanageable and your behaviors get out of control.

Irrational Jealousy
This is a type of jealousy brought on by imagined or misperceived events. Irrational jealousy is never healthy. It is based on paranoia and insecurity not in reality. People suffering from an irrational jealousy rely heavily on their feelings that something is wrong even though there are no real signs that these feelings have merit.

Without reliable external validation of their jealousy irrationally jealous individuals often sink in to a depression based on paranoia. They are convinced that they are right to be jealous even when the evidence does not support their beliefs. It is very difficult to show them the truth.

Irrational jealousy is best treated by therapy. If you find yourself feeling jealous often and can’t calm yourself with rationalization consider seeking professional help.

Destructive Jealousy
Destructive jealousy is based in reality. The emotional threat that is provoking the jealousy is real and can be backed up with external evidence. The reasons for the jealousy are valid. The way this jealousy plays out is the problem.

When feeling a destructive jealousy people usually lash out at the person or people who have caused them harm. It is an angry jealousy that is based in revenge. It is not an effective protection mechanism because the focus is on hurting back not reaching a solution.

The best way to manage a destructive jealousy is by getting counseling. In counseling you will be able to talk through the situation with an impartial third party. You will get to vent in a safe environment. In counseling you will likely learn anger management techniques to help you control your need for revenge.

Proactive Jealousy
Proactive jealousy is a jealousy that is based on a real threat to ones emotional security. The purpose of any jealousy is to avoid being hurt or to lessen hurt that has already happened but sometimes jealousy makes people do crazy things. A proactive jealousy rarely manifests as violence or self harm. While anger is a part of this type of jealousy it never takes control of actions.

This type of jealousy works as a protection mechanism. The jealous feelings lead to productive actions, like ending a bad relationship or getting out of an unhealthy friendship. The primary concern of this type of jealousy is self preservation not revenge or retribution.

Controlling Jealousy
Jealousy is a form of anger brought on by a fear of loss. Controlling jealousy is very much like controlling anger. When you feel yourself growing jealous the first thing you must do is calm down. Take some deep breaths, try to relax and then take an honest look at the situation.

Never allow yourself to go off in a jealous rage, it takes away from any validity to your feelings and makes it very easy for others to dismiss you. Approach the situation in a calm but stern fashion. State your point of view without throwing around accusations and keep the emphasis on how what is happening makes you feel.

Avoid pointing the finger or calling out others on their behaviors. Own the jealousy for what it is, your reaction, and try to reach a real solution rather than just vent your hurt feelings. A little venting is healthy but try to keep the focus on the real problem.

Learn From Jealousy

Listen to what the other people have to say about the situation that has provoked a jealous response from you. Their perspective may be very different from yours and it is possible that you don’t have the full story about what is going on. There are many innocent situations that can be misinterpreted as something sinister. Make sure you know as much as possible before getting jealous.

Jealousy exists to protect you from harm, not to control the behavior of others. It is an emotion that can get out of control if you let it. Your can never control another person but you can help yourself when that person is hurting you. Healthy jealousy can help you identify and deal with some of life’s more unpleasant lessons.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Dating Relationship Advice - Teen Relationship Advice

In this article you will advice on dating relationships and teen relationships. As you will well know dating is not strictly reserved for adults and teens do in fact date as well. Both adults and teens have questions and reservations when it comes to dating, and often look for advice regarding their relationships. Given there are two age brackets involved in this article about advice for dating relationships, I will break the article up into two sections regarding dating advice for each sort of relationship. I will first go into brief detail regarding advice for adults in a dating relationship and then I will cover some advice for teens who may be in a dating relationship.

Advice for Adult Dating Relationships:
When we meet someone we really like and would like to get to get know better, we always want to be as careful as possible and know how to go about this whole dating scenario appropriately. We want to get to know the one we end up dating as opposed to pushing them away from the dating relationship we have begun. 

When you first begin dating, you should try not to push too hard. My advice to you is, to take things slowly and really get to know the person who you have decided to date in a relationship. There are a lot of people out there, but there must have been something that intrigued you enough to begin dating the person you are now in a dating 
relationship with. Think about this from time to time and do not stress over the little things. Some worthwhile advice you should take note of is to think positive. Enjoy the one you are dating, and never make something out of nothing. A piece of advice which can save a dating relationship is to always communicate, never jump to conclusions about anything. Advice is easy to give, yet the one receiving the advice has to know how to use it and only they can decide if it is worth listening to. Below I have listed a few key factors of advice for having a success dating relationship with the one you are dating.

Key Factors of Advice for a Dating Relationship:
Be honest
Trust (in both yourself and the one you are dating)
Be positive
Have respect
Be loyal

Some additional advice for a dating relationship can include, doing little things for the one you are dating unexpectedly, know all there is to know about them, become involved with what your dating partner is interested in, accept the one you are dating as a whole package. (many adults these days are single and dating, yet also have children). Be supportive of the one you are dating.

Advice for Teens in a Dating Relationship:
Most teens will need some form of advice during their dating years. However dating as a teen can be a whole lot different to dating as an adult. It is however known that some teens have moved on from a teen dating relationship to end up still being in the same relationship yet dating as adults.

Some advice for teens to remember is:

Be honest
Take an interest in your dating partners interests and social circle

My advice for teens in a dating relationship in general is to enjoy. The best advice for a teen is to make friends with another first and then move on to possibly a dating relationship. Treat the one you are dating with respect and never cross the line when one says the word 'no'. Dating is meant to meant to be fun, so do not stress and concentrate too much on the word 'dating'. It is sometimes hard to give advice to a teen regarding dating, as they are at an age where they can at times think they know what is best for them. But if you feel your teen is becoming too involved with another, sit them don and at least offer them some advice on dating and what comes with dating. Boys tend to want to further their dating in ways that girls may not be ready for (yet it can happen at times the other way around), so my advice for you on this count is to speak to your teens about every avenue possible when it comes to dating and relationships. Teens these days need to know about sexual intercourse and the precautions needed if they intend on becoming sexually active. It is always better to have given the advice on this issue than to have not have.

Dating and being in a relationship should be a very special experience, one full of happiness and wonderment. The best advice I can give to anyone when in a dating relationship, is to be true to yourself and your dating partner, do not hold expectations of the one you are dating, and accept the one you are dating for who they are. If you cannot do this, then take my advice, and call it quits. Accepting the one you are dating completely for themselves is a good solid grounding for a lasting relationship.

Relationship Breaking Up

Teenage relationship break up is not always easy, matter of fact most break ups are not easy as a young person as well as an older person however as an old person they may have experiences of break up.
For many teenage, break up can have a very lasting effect on your future life and relationships with others.

Do not have a foundation
It is new for many teenagers to have a relationship; you do not have a foundation of breaking up, it is your first time in a new relationship, it may have been already awkward just to have a relationship.
For teenagers to be in a relationship not knowing what is ask of you is difficult, how to behave may be difficult because of your family background, you may come from abusive or dysfunctional family and may not realize it.

Right tools for breaking up
Because teenagers are now starting to learn about themselves and how to deal with the demands of society, like school and responsibility it may sometimes be difficult for you to have the right tools for breaking up.
Breaking up is difficult for teenagers because you may not know what you are looking for in relationship and breaking up may touch some emotional feelings that is not solve from your past and your home life.
Your job is to learn from it, such as did you trust in yourself, did you put yourself first, did you respect yourself and your limits during the relationship, and did you listen to your inner voice.
When teenagers break up, your mood may change and you may stay more at home or more to yourself.

Support you
Having a relationship with your parent or an adult figure that you can share with them and the difficulties you are going through can help you with the days ahead, they can be their to support you.
As a teenager you need to understand that it is alright to feel sad, lonely depress during a break up and that it does not say anything about you as a person only that it is a stage of your life and it may happen again before you meet the right person.

Feelings of loss
The difficult moments will eventually pass, it is important that you do not deny your feelings of loss, you may even blame yourself and feel you could of done something better, it is alright to feel this way, it will pass.

Getting involve
Your job is to learn from it, such as did you trust in yourself, did you put yourself first, did you respect yourself and your limits.
Get involve when you can with friends; allow them to support you by talking out your feelings.

Getting involve in sports will help you to change your mind and burn of some of the energy that would be focus on pain and sadness.

Conclusion:Many people pass through a teenage relationship break up and most people live through it to find happiness later on for this is part of the process in the learning experience of becoming an adult.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Get the Right Guy - Flirting Tips for Women

There is a new object of interest in your life, and you want him to know about it. Flirting would be just the right thing to do in this situation - but how? You definitely don't want to fail. Luckily, there are plenty of flirting tips for women to try.

1. Find Out What He Likes

This might be one of the most obvious flirting tips for women, but it is also the most successful one. If you know his friends or people close to him, then this is something that can be easily achieved by asking them about your object of interest. However, if he is someone you just see on a regular basis - probably, while getting your coffee - this becomes a more difficult task.

In such a situation, take some time to observe what he is doing. Does he always read the paper? Does he always have an iPod? What kind of coffee does he drink? Take note of little things like that, and remember the things that you could easily start a conversation about.

2. Don't Pretend

You have found out that he likes to jog, but you really couldn't care less about exercise. Nevertheless, you go out and buy a new track suit and just "happen" to jog past him now everyday. This is a really stupid thing to do - you are changing yourself to have something in common with him, in fact, you are just pretending. Indeed, the worst start for a relationship. Remember, that the truth will come out sooner or later.

3. Use Body Language

One of the greatest flirting tips for women says to use body language to convey your interest. Verbal flirting is often not successful for women - guys respond faster if body language comes into play. When you are talking to him, touch his shoulder - this shows that you are comfortable enough to be in his personal space, which can also indicate an attraction.

What If Nothing Works?

If you have put into practice all known flirting tips for women, but the guy still doesn't seem to be really interested, then maybe it is time to move on. Accept the fact, that he is just not the right person for you - lack of chemistry is not going to work miracles. However, don't be discouraged and think of yourself as a failure - try and use flirting tips for women that you have learned on a new guy. You will master your flirting skills, which eventually will help you find the right person. Just believe, that all the efforts are worth it!

Friday, November 12, 2010

How To balance School And a Relationship

You want to hang out with your new sweetie. Your parents want you to get good grades. It can be hard to do both, but it's not impossible!

  • When your significant other (SO) has work, class, or wants to spend time with his/her friends, bust out your homework! You can be productive and keep yourself from missing him/her at the same time.

  • Have a study date. You can both work on your homework side-by-side, or else you can do your homework while your SO reads a book. Got an exam coming up? Your SO can quiz you. It's a lot easier to remember what "anaerobic" means when your sweetie explains it than when your professor drones on about it.

  • If necessary, prioritize. Take a full day to concentrate on that portfolio you've been putting off all semester, and reward yourselves with dinner and a movie the night after you turn it in. Your sweetie will be there on Monday, but your chances for getting an A won't be.